Naruto on Crack!
by JackalGod
Summary: Completely random and mostly pointless. You have been warned! Chapter 2 UP! Now seems to have some kinda plot. If you squint and tilt your head.
1. The start of doom!

JackalGod: Hey, guys enjoy this

Summery: Naruto and Co meet some unexpected visitors

Warning: Completely random so be warned

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any other anime mentioned. If I did then it wouldn't be a fanfic now would it?

One morning in the world of Naruto, the sun was shining the birds were singing and Naruto was 'very' late to training

"Kuso!" cussed Naruto running through the streets a piece of toast hanging from his mouth "Of all days to sleep in, it had to be the day Kakashi-Sensei demanded we be on time because he was going to be!"

"Where is he?" asked Sakura for the fourth time. Kakashi had arrived early like he had said he would (amazing isn't it?) but Naruto was no where to be found

"Baka." sighed Sasuke "Of all the days to be late...speak of the devil."

"I'm here!" cried Naruto skidding to a stop in front of Kakashi panting heavily

"The one day I'm on time and you're late." said Kakashi with a hint of annoyance in his voice "Why are you late?"

"Gomme Kakashi-Sensei!" cried Naruto still trying to regain his breath "I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know why but it was like four in the morning by the time I went to sleep. Then I slept through my alarm."

"Had I been any other teacher I would've probably lectured you about the importance of being punctual," began Kakashi putting one hand under his chin as if thinking "but that would just waist even more time so..."

"That's not fair," grumbled Sasuke to himself but Kakashi caught every word "baka's late and doesn't even get told off."

"...I'll talk to you after we're done." finished Kakashi glancing sideways at Sasuke who stopped grumbling

"So Kakashi-Sensei," piped up Sakura "What are we doing today?"

"When we first met I had you try to get a set of bells off me. You failed miserably at working as a team at the beginning and didn't get the bells. So I thought we'd work on that same team work and see if you've improved any." explained Kakashi holding up the very same bells that he had used the first time

"Is that all?" asked Naruto "We had to rush here for that? I didn't even get to have more than a piece of toast for breakfast."

"Don't you know when to keep your mouth shut?" said Sasuke resisting the urge to slap his hand to his face in a very un-Sasukeish way.

"Oh go choke on a sock!" snapped Naruto (Coming from the original saying 'Oh put a sock in it') Sasuke and Kakashi sweat dropped and Sakura – because I don't like her very much – was randomly sucked into the earth unnoticed by everyone present.

"Choke on a sock? That has got to be the single dumbest thing I've ever heard." snapped Sasuke. Suddenly a wormhole in the sky opened and chibi Ginji randomly fell from the sky landing between them yelling

"I lost my rice ball! Wai Ban-chan!"

"Okay," said Sasuke "I stand corrected. /That/ is the single dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Who is that?" asked Naruto looking down at Ginji who had a rice ball sitting on his head

"Where's my rice ball!?" wailed Ginji in distress. Kakashi blinked once before taking the rice ball off Ginji's head and holding it out to the chibi

"Here?"

"Yay!" cried Ginji chomping down on the rice ball and taking Kakashi's hand with it "Yummy!" Both Sasuke and Naruto sweat dropped.

"Now that's just odd." commented Naruto

"On so many levels." agreed Sasuke crossing his arms over his chest and nodding seriously

"Could you not chew on my hand?" asked Kakashi shaking his trapped limb slightly alerting small blond chibi to his current predicament

"Gomme." said Ginji releasing Kakashi who immediately wiped his hand on the grass

"That was just wrong." said Sasuke and Naruto together

"I second that motion." added Kakashi pulling a face behind his mask

"Gomme, gomme!" cried Ginji flailing his arms pathetically "It's just you had the rice ball in your hand and it looked so yummy and..."

"Slow down!" cried Naruto "Now who are you?"

"I am Ginji Amano of the Get Backers recover service." stated Ginji proudly fire in his eyes and a flashing background

"That was dramatic." noted Sasuke

"I'm not done!" snapped Ginji before resuming his dramatic pose "I will right wrongs and triumph over evil!"

Sasuke and Naruto: o.0;

"coughI mean. I get back things that shouldn't be gone!" said Ginji

"Like what?" asked Kakashi

"There isn't anything you can lose that I can't get back."

"Okay next question. How did you get here?"

"Well when my mum and dad loved each other very much they did a very special sort of hug and..."

"That's not what I meant!" cried Naruto "I meant why are you here as in here in this world."

"I fell out of the sky, stupid." replied Ginji when suddenly poof he was no longer a one foot tall chibi but a tallish detailed style drawn anime. "Damn I did it again."

"What the hell was that!?" exclaimed everyone

"Oh I do that every now and then. I go chibi and then randomly turn back." said Ginji as if were no big deal

"Okay." said Sasuke stretching out the word unnecessarily

"You mean to see me you've never gone chibi before?" asked Ginji

"Once or twice but I don't end up really small and squishy like you do." said Sasuke "I just kinda lose a whole bunch of detail."

"Oh, that's what happens to Ban-chan as well but my chibi's based of Tare Panda so yeah." said Ginji

"Tare...?" began Sasuke but thought better of it "Never mind I'm not even going to ask."

"That would be very wise." said Ginji nodding, before looking up at the sky with a hand on his head "Now how am I going to get back up there? Ban-chan's probably annoying because I got sucked into the ground."

"Sucked into the ground?" asked Kakashi "Which reminds me, well doesn't really, so it really should be 'it just occurred to me' that Sakura's one."

"Oh she got sucked into the ground." said a passing gopher as the others hadn't paid attention to Sakura's fate

"Oh." said Kakashi considering this before shrugging "Well no great loss."

In the Get Backers world

"Oh great, inter-dimensional travel." groaned Sakura "Don't crossover writers have any imagination?"

"Apparently not." said Ban lighting up a smoke (remember kids smoking is good for you!) "So you are?"

"Sakura Haruno, obligatory whiny character."

"Uh, huh. We've got one of those." he paused taking an unnecessarily slow drag of his cig, for dramatic tension "She only lasted one episode." Sakura suddenly fell over backwards, overbalancing from the weight of her sweatdrop

This may or may not continue. It depends on whether people enjoyed it. R&R!


	2. It's a new chapter!

JackalGod: My God someone reviewed! takes reviewers temperature No I think it's sane...maybe... Anyway this is the second chapter. Go nuts!

'And so we find our dashing heroin trapped in an unfamiliar world. Alone but for one man, a gallant prince who selflessly sacrificed himself so as she could find her way home, to her worried friends and family.'

Now if for any reason you've read the above words and though Sakura and Ban, you're sicker than I thought. For the sake of the world go get a CT scan! Please, I beg you, don't breed!

And so we find our sexy as all hell Jagan wielder, turned babysitter walking down the streets of Shinjuku with a very talkative Sakura at his heals.

"...place is so cool. The buildings are so much bigger here than in Konoha. How do you get them so big? And what about you, what do you do all day. I usually train to become a ninja. Yeah that's not going to well, but I'm the sex interest, so it really doesn't matter. I mean if I could actually defend myself then the main character wouldn't have to constantly dash to my rescue. Hey maybe that's why I'm stronger in Shippuuden (OMG Spoiler!)"

"OMG! Will you shut up!" roared Ban suddenly rounding on Sakura with flaming eyes and a lightning background (special effects brought to you by ILM) "My god! Is it possible that I've found someone more annoying than Riko!?"

"I don't think that's possible Snake Bastard." said Shido randomly appearing for the sake of the diminishing plot.

"OMG!!!!!" cried Inner Sakura gazing at Shido who was just as stoic and emo as Sasuke. They both even have a case of 'lost hairbrush' syndrome. Sakura suddenly ran up to him, talking a mile a minute

"OMG!!!!" (yep that's gonna be used a lot) "You're just like Sasuke, so stoic, and broody." her head turned to Ban  
"I suppose you could be Naruto."

"Don't compare me to 'Believe It' boy!" snarled Ban his snake god appearing behind him

"Believe it?" asked Sakura confused "Don't you mean Datebayou?"

"Not in the English Dub I don't." grumbled Ban storming off (because Ban looks hot when he's storming) and because Sakura has a death wish she followed right into the Honky Tonk.

"Hey Snake Boy, how come you know about Naruto."

"The writer." replied Ban "Anything weird, just 'the writer."

"Umm, right." said Sakura sliding into a seat at the counter, suddenly remembering she didn't have any money "Any hope of me eating now and paying later."

"Sure why not, every one else does." grumbled Paul hiding behind his newspaper

"Umm, you do know that newspaper is out of date right?" asked Sakura

"I knew it!" exclaimed Ban jumping up and pointing a dramatic finger at Paul "You're not really reading that newspaper, you're just hiding behind it! Ha haha, ha haha haha!" (that was a poor rendition of Mandarks laugh)

"So where's Ginji Snake for Brain?" asked Shido only just realising the blond was missing

"Oh him?" asked Ban ceasing his maniacal laughter "He got sucked into the ground, for no adequately explained reason."

"Hey that's what happened to me, then I was here." said Sakura "Do you think maybe it was a jutsu?"

"Jutsu, what's a jutsu?" asked Shido

"Ninja powers." replied Ban standing up with a pointer in his hand, as a diagram poster descended from the heavens "They use chakra, which is like chi, but much lamer. Jutsu can only be performed through elaborate hand gestures. There are different kinds of chakra, like body and spirit, and stuff and you mix it together and crazy stuff happens" (I watch Naruto: TAS)

"Uh huh." replied Shido as the diagram poster vanished with a poof "Guess we'll be going to the Limitless Fortress then."

"Seems likely." said Ban looking at the clock on the wall "let's just wait for Akabane to get here then we'll go."

"Why wait for him?" asked Shido "I thought you hated the guy."

"I do, but the author likes him, so it's a sure thing for him to be included even if he doesn't do anything but make passes at Ginji." explained Ban as if it were obvious

"Morning Get Backers." came a sudden voice as Akabane walked into the Honky Tonk, to save time of pointless small talk

"You're late Jackal." snapped Ban walking forward and taking the surprised psychopath by the arm "Come on, Ginji's been sucked into another world and we need to go to the Limitless Fortress."

"Any particular reason why?" asked Akabane as he was dragged outside

"When is doubt, go to the Limitless Fortress." replied Ban as Sakura came dashing out of the café after them

"Hey what about me! I want to go home to you know!"

"That's nice." said Ban not really listening

"Good morning." called Akabane to Sakura is sign-song

"Oh hello, mysterious creepy person in a big hat." replied Sakura, making Akabane cry waterfalls

"She's so mean!" he cried "And she's floating!"

"Yes, because I levitate on pure bitch evil." replied Sakura air walking to the front of the line where Ban was "So are you going to take me home?"

"If it somehow helps us get Ginji back then yes, if not, don't count on it." said Ban releasing Akabane so the man could walk on his own.

"You know, for a main character you're not all that heroic." pouted Sakura

"Screw heroism. Blame the manga writer for my traumatising past."

"Oh it can't be all that bad." Said Sakura with a wave of her hand. "I mean some people I know have pretty sucky pasts."

"Well I was abandoned by my family because my eyes made them think I was a demon. Then I had to stay with my abusive grandmother. Then I murdered my best friend but only because he asked me to. Then I ripped off a guys arm, so now he wants to kill me and now I'm stuck with you looking for my ex-Lightning Emperor partner."

"That's it?" asked Sakura

"Oh did I mention I have a snake god in my right hand?"

"Shit it's like, Gaara, Neji, Naruto, Itachi and Sasuke all in one." said Sakura. "Hey why aren't you emo then?"

"Why would I be?"

"It just standard isn't it? If you have a screwed up childhood you have to be an emotional wreck, either emo or a murdering psychopath."

"Or overall cheerfully to hide your lonely and tortured heart," chimed in Akabane for no reason, expect to prevent reviews from pointing out that Naruto is neither emo nor a murdering psychopath.

"Yes but as Snake Boy here seems not to be the overly cheerfully bouncy type, I must take from the other two categories," said Sakura with a serious nod. Then the silence spiralled horribly, because silence because complete non tangible, can still spiral. Then to break the silence, with something other than the natural sounds of cars passing, as they are walking up a busy street, so one would assume some sound would be present, even if it doesn't directly relate to the story, and as this is fanfiction sound cannot be portrayed.

"I have arrived!" cried Kazuki leaping onto the set, disregarding the old man he knocked into the sky in the process.

"Who's this chick!" exclaimed Sakura. "And why, for the purposes of assuming that if I have ears I must be able to preserve sound, even if the reader can't, does she have such a deep voice."

"That would be Kazuki, the obligatory, 'You mean it's a guy!'" explained Ban but without the use of diagrams this time.

"Oh you mean like Deidra?" asked Sakura, before getting smacked on the head by Shido.

"Stop messing with the time line!" snapped Akabane clicking is fingers in that weird zig-zag fashion.(If you don't get it, you just don't get it) "You're not in Shipuuden yet, you don't know who that is!"

"Some how you do," muttered Sakura.

"Well duh, we read ahead in the manga," said Ban smugly, before smacking into a giant sign.

"YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE LIMITLESS FORTRESS. You are either lost and/or on a recovery mission," read Sakura, before turning to Shido. "Ummm?"

"To inform the reader that we've arrive at the LF," replied Shido as Ban remerged bleeding from the horrible looking wound, and pointing towards the buildings.

"Onward brave travellers!"

"We're brave?" asked Sakura but followed anyway.

"I don't think he was referring to you," said Kazuki.

"So if Snake Boy can bleed like that and not die, and judging by the creepy stuff he was saying earlier about god hands, one would assume the people here all have creepy powers. What's yours?"

"Me?" asked Kazuki. "I fight with koto strings, in the English version of the Anime, but harp strings in the English translation of the manga, because the manga translators assumed that Americans wouldn't know what koto strings were."

"But isn't a koto a type of harpish thing...with strings?" asked Sakura raising an eyebrow the rose right of her face.

"It's best not to think about it," said Shido. "I mimic animals. But when said like that, if you haven't previously watched the show, it kinda sounds lame."

"Yeah and fighting with dental floss sounds any cooler!" quipped Kazuki.

"I see, and you?" asked Sakura turning to Akabane.

"I hide 108 scalpels inside my body which I can pull out at will and can make fly around, shredding my enemies into tiny pieces," said Akabane suddenly realising that when described his power seemed vastly cooler compared to other characters.

"How come he gets the cool power," pouted Shido and Kazuki, in their corners of woe drawing invisible circles on the ground with their fingers.

"Oh please, I suck ass as a ninja, so I get jibbed into being the medical support. So basically I'm just there to heal the strong fighters when they hurt in dramatic and fan gathering ways," snapped Sakura. "At least you guys can fight. Threads aren't so bad, Temari uses a fan!"

"So do I!" exclaimed Kano appearing for no reason other than to point out that manga writers aren't very original when designing weapons and powers. If a character fights with a fan, you know there power will be wind. Laws of Anime my friend. Kano, who isn't currently needed anymore, was promptly tossed into a nearby hole.

"Right with that out of the way!" said Ban punching his own hand, simply cause it looks cool. "Onward to MakubeX!"

"I missed something again didn't I?" asked Sakura as they began walking through the deep depths on the LF(forever to be abbreviated cause the writers lazy)

"Genius super child, who doesn't know what his name is," informed Kazuki. There was a long pause

"Can't be that smart then," deadpanned Sakura just knowing the line was called for.

"On that note, and seeing as we can't meet MakubeX and resolve the problem to soon, let's cut to an ad break!" Said Akabane reaching up and pulling the 'Time for an ad break' screen into view.

And that's it for the second chapter. More shall come!


End file.
